Monster

Monster. A large, ugly, and frightening imaginary creature.

Monster. A thing of extraordinary or daunting size.

Monster. An inhumanly cruel or wicked being.

Monster. He is living underneath my bed.

The monster took residence under my bed at the beginning of high school. Before that he lived under my sister’s bed. I had heard about how bad he was, but I tried to ignore all the scary tales. He was just in her head after all. One day, he must have become bored of scaring her, because he turned his attention towards me. At first, he remained under my bed, only peeking his head out every now and again, terrorizing me a couple times a month. Then, he became more daring and ambitious.

My monster loved routine. For many months, he liked to torment me every Monday after school. I tried to escape him. I shut my eyes tight, hid under my covers and lay in the silence. I tried to stay as still as possible, to not wake up the creature under my bed. It didn’t work. I heard him slowly slink out from underneath my bed. I felt his presence hovering over me. He was like the wolf prowling in the shadows, waiting to attack. I lay taut in bed, anticipating his evil spell. My head throbbed from the nightmares that I knew I had to relive.

If I ever entered my monster’s kingdom, even by accident, he attacked me ruthlessly. He focused his ambushes on my head, my most vulnerable and valuable member. He spit his venom at me, right where the pain was greatest, and it burned any hope of survival. I was paralyzed. Every hit my armour took, weakened me until I was crippled. He teased and taunted me, making me dizzy with insults and retorts. Once he damaged my head, he had dominion over me.

He became the evil villain in my life, making it anything but happily ever after. Blindly, in the dark, I fumbled for a weapon to defend myself against the agony I had to bear at night. Despite my efforts, his strong and slender hands destroyed any reinforcements that I tried to use to fight him off. They wrapped around me and squeezed out my life and energy until I was weak and limp.

Like the uniform rhythm of marching soldiers, his feet pounded and shook the ground as he charged towards me. Every time my monster bellowed or roared, another wave of agony pulsated towards me. He was cunning and intelligent, he breached my armour, forcing me to fight him with no defense. I spent my nights battling my monster, leaving me drained during the day. When I was released from my prison, I left my room disoriented and incapacitated. I could not think. I could not work. I could not look at bright lights, or hear loud sounds, or move my head too fast, without being reminded about the monster that I had to return to again. All I could do was pray for the rising sun.

Whenever I sensed him emerging out from underneath my bed, I cried out for help to anyone around me. In the beginning, they rushed to my aid in hopes of helping me get rid of my monster. After a while, they tired of my antics. “He’s just in your head”, they said, “He doesn’t actually exist”. It was as if they did not believe that I battled him night after night without any reprieve. They were not willing to keep up the pretense that there was actually a monster under my bed. They did not understand that he debilitated me. I was all alone battling the Goliath in my head.

On the nights where my monster did not creep out from underneath my bed, I forgot about his existence. I slept a blissful, and very much needed sleep, without any nightmares. I was refreshed for the next day. My monster became an imaginary creature and ceased to exist. Somehow, I forgot about the wounds that he inflicted upon me at night. It was as if I blocked out the traumatic memories to prevent scarring myself even more. However, when he emerged out from under my bed, all the villainous nightmares came rushing back.

One night, I will be able to vanquish my monster. One night, he will seek asylum under someone else’s bed. One night, I will be able to sleep peacefully without the fear of an ambush. One night, I will be able to live my own happily ever after.

But until then, I will have to keep on battling my monster in my head.